In recent weeks I have experienced a good healthy dose of deflation of pride. In retrospect I believe this Covid 19 business provided an opportunity for Satan to engage in his subtle trickery. With seemingly endless days of little contact with people it became quite easy to focus on self. Did I realize it at the time. Of course not.
So during this time my frustration was growing about not being more involved in some sort of ministry to others, in particular those that may be struggling with some form of sexual brokenness. It seemed as if I was just spinning my wheels. I decided to seek out the wisdom of my pastor and another brother in Christ at my church. Through no pointing fingers yet respectful conversation and great questions a heart of pride that was developing deflated. Discouraged, sad; yet grateful for what God was speaking to my heart through these men. I sought out wisdom and received it. I don’t know what I was expecting, but God knew exactly what I needed.
The conversation has initiated self-reflection and an increased awareness of my critical heart toward others. -Why don’t they? – They should… -This would be better – I would do this – What were they thinking? -How could they?
In my heart I am pointing my finger – a gesture that I actually detest! While these thoughts are often not vocalized they invade my thought process often, too often.
While at some level my thoughts and ideas certainly can be helpful they are not the end all be all. Without keeping them in check they were taking over and rooting themselves deeply into a critical level of pride. Digging deeper what might be at the core?
Like many I have a desire for people to see me. How about you? I know I want to be valued, appreciated, loved, noticed, be-friended, accepted, included, respected. I am trying to be more keenly aware of how these present themselves for me personally.
- Conscientious of my appearance!
- High desire to please others in particular my boss, pastor, ministry leaders, closest friends and individuals in whom I have great respect.
- Perfectionism – in some areas – not all! Ha!
- High expectations of others regarding commitments and loyalty.
Essentially in an effort to feel seen, I would strive for these things and when I or others would fail my heart would and has become critical of others and myself. Unhealthy. Sinful.
Rather my focus should be on what … for people to see God. Not me. Humbling. Even creating blog entries here, I am challenged to remember my initial focus and check my motivation. Am I wanting to people to see me and what God is doing in my life or is it simply to see God? Heart check. May His word redirect my heart, our hearts to Him for Him!
Isaiah 43:7: “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
I Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
Romans 11:36 “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”