Kind of a baffling title for a blog entry? I hope it got your attention and curiosity piqued. Stick with me. I will get to it. I attend a monthly men’s breakfast at my church. I might add, early breakfast as it is at 6 a.m. Im not a fan of early mornings but I am a fan of getting together with a group of guys seeking the Lord and striving to be men of God together. A little back story on the significance of being with a group of Godly men — One key aspect of my struggle with same-sex attraction was a lack of male friends. That continued pattern ultimately created a literal fear of being around guys. Examples of how this played out include social settings where I would rather hang out with the women than the men, I felt welcomed and comfortable. If I was with the men, I would break out in sweat and be in an internal panic. What do I talk about?, I don’t watch sports -so I can’t contribute or fake like I know what they are talking about. In instances like that I would sit and be quiet in my anxiety. Over the years I would avoid being in those type of situations. Why would I chose to be in a place of fear and anxiety?! Well, as I grew older and realized that I really needed to engage in conversation with other men if I was ever going to discover more about masculinity. What better place to do that than with brothers in Christ! Taking those steps to connect with individuals, and participating in small groups has helped me grow so much in discovering Godly masculinity. I am so thankful that I finally began to face those fears. Don’t get me wrong, the anxiety of being around a bunch of men does arise yet at times. Ask some of my friends – I can easily be quiet! I am learning to engage more just as the theme of this blog demonstrates, engaging to share my story, to share His story and to be brother in Christ to others in being part of their stories.
So back to house cleaning. At the start of this men’s group the theme of Godly masculinity was approached from the book Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis. In this book geared towards men raising their boys there are 4 key components of manhood: Reject Passivity, Expect Greater Reward, Accept Responsibility and Lead Courageously. Those key components come to my mind often. There are all kinds of connections with accepting responsibility in relating to Godly manhood. Easily I believe we go to accepting responsibility for our choices and actions.
In a strange way I have realized that accepting responsibility leads to — house cleaning. At different times when I had found myself struggling with same sex attraction that led to addictive patterns of pornography use, I was letting go of my responsibilities. One of those was house cleaning! Here is the charge of that message of accepting responsibility; If I desire to live out Godly manhood and masculinity, I need to take care of my home. That means house cleaning! What I have discovered in being more responsible in house cleaning or any other task that I should be completing is this: I am much more productive with the time God gives me and I am not wasting it away in laziness which often is a doorway to my sinful behaviors. Being responsible provides a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Being responsible is demonstrating gratefulness to God of what He has and will provide. Being responsible is being a Man of God.
God’s truth is for men to be responsible and for this man that means house cleaning. 🙂 Trust me my house still get’s messy from time to time but I truly have come to understand that accepting responsibility and getting things done has been a valuable part of my story in discovery what being a Godly man is all about. ~Stan