Perhaps I have shared some thoughts on this before; nonetheless its worth repeating. It’s worth repeating as I need to remind myself of this truth:
9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
Sometimes I find myself embattled with desires and struggle to understand why I am seemingly naturally inclined to long for things that God forbids. Why would God not want me to be happy or to experience joy, love, acceptance and a close, connected relationship? I believe this is a question many that experience same sex attraction often wrestle with. The inclination seems so engrained into the soul it is quite a challenge to think otherwise. I feel this, yet God says this!?
Embattled; wrestling, wondering, struggling, fighting. Conflicted.
Stop. Consider: ” My heart is deceitful….” Ugh. I am a sinner. I am a sinner since birth. I am inclined to things, thoughts and desires that God forbids since the beginning when Adam and Eve were deceived. While my desires to experience joy, love and acceptance are good & healthy, my heart deceives me in how to best fulfill those desires. The ways my deceitful heart wants me to travel leads to emptiness and void! I know this. I have even traveled down the path before and yet my heart tells my mind that I would find fulfillment. My heart is VERY deceitful. I need a new heart.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Truly, this has to be one of my favorite verses. I seem to go back to it often. Entrenched in my battle and wrestling match of thoughts and desires, I am prompted to be thankful for the battle. The Holy Spirit is speaking and trying to break through to my heart with the truth. If the Holy Spirit was absent I wouldn’t be in a battle; I would have been completely deceived and fallen to the lies and traveled down the wrong path. These verses in Psalm 51 is the song of David’s heart after being confronted about his heart that went down the wrong path in sexual sin with Bathsheba. He cries out in recognition of the deceitfulness of his heart and desires a new heart and spirit that is steadfast. Likewise, my soul cries out for a new heart, too. A spirit that is steadfast; resolute, unwavering, singleminded, and in truth. (Check out some of the other synonyms for steadfast!) . And for certain, may the Holy Spirit continue to direct me to that truth.
For the Lord God wants good things for me. His ways are good!
11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Praying like David; Lord create in me a new heart; continue to rescue me from the deceptions of my own sinful heart and lead me in truth. The truth that leads me to truly experience joy, love and acceptance that is fulfilled by you and your plan. Praying the same for my fellow brothers and sisters on the journey.