I just posted an entry minutes ago. I turned off the light and intended to settle my mind before drifting off to sleep. I so had hoped. I was starting to contemplate some of the the other things that I have been learning over the past few months that could be “blog worthy”. One of which was how easily I can get side tracked to be self-seeking attention and glory for things that I have said and done. Seems legit right? We all want to be noticed – it is a good thing, good for our self-esteem. Read that again. Did you catch it – my heart is beginning to deceive me from truth and my purpose. My heart naturally wants to be noticed; in fact minutes after I published that post I was looking at the stats of my page – has anyone seen or read my post? I wonder if anybody will comment? Wow, it has been months since my last post yet I see there has been some views. Cool! I am being noticed.
Truth check. What was my purpose when starting this blog? Pointing others toward Jesus or toward me so I could get some attention? See me! I do legitimately want to point others to Jesus, in particular those that struggle with sexual sin. I can relate to the depths of the hurt, pain and struggle. My compassionate heart is engaged. Yet, I can’t deny I like the attention it gets me. Wait a minute. Who really provides the hope and freedom, who does the rescuing? Who deserves the glory? Not I. Even in the good that I may do, I need to remember how that is even possible. Because of Him! The Glory is due His name. He does the rescuing!
I Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Oh my gracious! It has been a long time again – months in fact. Too long. So some explanation:
-COVID laziness -Back to work after months away -A broken laptop -Distracted heart -Moving to a different home
I do want to get back to sharing thoughts and stories with you that read. Good news, I have a new laptop – so that “excuse” is no longer valid.
Most recently I have been doing a book study with a brother in Christ – we are reading Passions of the Heart by John D. Street. A very good read – a heavy read at times that is brain taxing but it is a good thing. :). The current substance of what I have been reading has been about the deceitfulness of our hearts. It has challenged me to consider truly how subtle the deceitfulness can be. One of the quotes from the opening chapter – “I can’t believe I would ever think such thoughts.” Oh my goodness –unfortunately I have been there. I think I have written before how our sin can easily and quickly take us where we would have never dreamed of going.
The deceit of our hearts taking us away from truth toward sin can be very simple and subtle and happens without us really noticing it. We often can easily dismiss it completely or attempt to diminish it as “no big deal” – deceived! Meanwhile Satan is conniving, scheming and manipulating this win over our thinking and it feeds. I have fallen prey to such. More than once, more than once to the same thing!
I Peter 5:8: 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Oh may we be alert! May God reveal to us individually where our thinking takes us toward sin and guide us back to truth in Him, to be RESCUED by him. ~Stan
Perhaps this isn’t any revelation to you my readers but I share anyway. ;). As noted in my recent entries I have found myself in a season of struggle with old sinful patterns of behavior. In the good moments of this season I have been trying to figure out the why. In that the Holy Spirit has reached my heart and mind in an attempt to remind me of His truth and my vulnerabilities to wander away from that truth.
Piecing together some thoughts and recent insights I am wondering if we approach the idea of “accountability” wrong. Or at least the priority of accountability in the wrong order. I have had and do have a number of brothers in Christ that hold me “accountable” in my journey of purity. They have the freedom and permission to ask the tough and deeply personal questions. Seriously some very personal questions – but in all honesty I do believe they should be asked. In fact one brother occasionally questions me with “What’s the question that you don’t want me to ask?”, “What’s the thing that you don’t want me to know?” It unequivocally brings about a call to personal responsibility & honesty that can be very easily hidden. As believers in Christ we are called to bring things to the light right? I encourage you to prayerfully consider finding those men and/or women in your life that can build such a relationship.
James 5:16 – “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
Here’s the deal, as I have just shared I have found this practice quite significant in my journey, I am challenged today with this. Shouldn’t that accountability partner first be asking me about my relationship and walk with Jesus, God the Father & the Holy Spirit? After all He IS the answer as stated in one of my favorite passages, Romans Chapter 7:
21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For Idelight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
I do have one brother that consistently does ask me if I have been reading anything good lately. Unfortunately over the last several weeks I have not had anything to share nor have I really taken his question seriously. Usually my mind was going toward a good read from some Christian living book rather than “the” book. I am going to ask him and the others to be more direct in their questions. What have you been reading in the Bible this week? Anything make you ponder? If have haven’t been reading – why not? What’s your plan for next week.
Ha! Even as I am typing this I’m a little anxious. Do I really want them to be asking me these questions? In reality I do, I want to be moving toward Jesus. How could I not? He know’s the answer, He is the answer! At the bottom of my journal page in which I was generating these thoughts was this scripture “I know the plans I have for you, say the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you future and a hope”. Jeremiah 29:11. Again why wouldn’t I want to be held accountable to building a relationship with our creator and Father; the Lord that knows what is best.
In closing, I share another oldie but goodie song that came to mind about seeking Him first! ~Stan
Hello again. As I was typing out the verses from Romans 1 some additional thoughts came to mind. Those very verses are full of warning, conviction and direction.
Right from the get go “men in their unrighteousness suppress the truth”. What does that look like, just how do we suppress the truth? How do I suppress the truth? In some instances it can be very obvious meanwhile other times we can suppress truth subtly by the deceitfulness of our own selfish thinking that easily can be disguised as good.
How are you? “I’m fine, thank you.” – Are you ?
Are those repeated behaviors stoppable as you claim – or is there an addiction that needs to be addressed?
What’s the “real” motive behind the action?
I would never day anything like that! – Really?
I was just joking. – Really?
It wasn’t that bad. – Hmm?
I forgive you. – Truthfully or is that just the easy thing to say ?
As Paul continues he sites an example how some may suppress the truth. He points out how some suppress the truth of God being our creator. Despite all the signs and evidence around there are some that choose to ignore or suppress it. Perhaps in some sense it is too easy to accept that God created all things? There has to be another explanation – more complex and “scientific”. I think not.
When truth is denied or suppressed things can go down hill pretty quickly. My thoughts go to Adam and Eve. How often do we point the finger at someone or something else as a way to suppress the truth of our very own actions? Guilty.
Where do I take my thoughts from here. Honestly they go in all sorts of directions and I am not certain on how to direct the end of this entry. So I shall leave you with random thoughts/scripture. May they Holy Spirit lead you to where God may be wanting to reach your heart. That’s my hope, to encourage others to lean into Him as He is writing into each of your stories. God Bless – Stan
Psalm 139:23-23 — Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
1 John 1:7 — But if we walk in the light (truth), as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
Being honest with God, ourselves and others can bring about heart change! It opens the door for Him to enter in and to transform.
Okay, I thought I was nearly done. Since I love music my mind naturally goes to songs. Two oldie but goodies came to mind. Enjoy 🙂
While I have a few other blog posts drafted to continue with some thoughts on Romans 1, I interrupt to share an interesting lesson that came my way today.
Shortly after waking up I received a text from a good brother asking me if was going to attend church today. Reluctantly, I replied. Maybe. Sharing for some reason my introverted self wasn’t too keen on the idea of managing through the scenario of a crowd of people in an outdoor service. I knew what was right. I conceded to the innocent question he posed and then said. Yes, I will be there. I needed that nudge.
While getting ready the Holy Spirit had to be continually working as some thoughts came to mind. The overarching theme: practice what you preach. Just a matter of weeks ago I was blogging about the importance of being together with brothers and sister in Christ. Uh…where did that conviction go? Was that a belief I only held when it aligned with my emotions and what “I” wanted. Have I not also mentioned how significant our words can be; even a simple greeting and acknowledgement may be just what they need. Even though I didn’t want to feel entrapped by some idle chit chat that I might find pointless – it might be life-giving to someone else.
Too often I suspect introverted people like me overlook how we can be Christ to others. Could it also be an excuse used to unknowingly avoid interaction and potential vulnerability towards some of those more deep conversations? And what about the purpose of going to church – to worship ! Some things to ponder for sure.
Thankful to my brother for his text today – prompting a lesson. See – even his simple question – made an impact. Point made.
Okay, my title is actually a quote or phrase from Dr. Dan Allender’s reflections within the dramatic documentary called The Heart of Man. I remember it because it was a very vivid and accurate definition of lust that I connected with. It certainly describes what would often be happening in my mind when I was struggling with lust and engaging in my pornography addiction. Devouring images and engulfed in a fantasy world. Consumed by cravings that never could be fulfilled. Desire gone mad!
Today I am sharing an excerpt from the book Pursuing Sexual Wholeness by Andrew Comiskey. (His testimony and ministry was one of the first that I became aware of on my journey of trying to figure out just what I was do with my struggle and my Christian belief). Don’t stop reading just because your personal struggle may not be a sexual one. Desire gone mad really can apply to any kind of desire other than toward God himself. If you have experienced or are living in any sort of addictive behavior I am confident you will be able to relate.
From the chapter Finding Greater Desire, “Romans 1:18-32 makes a strong case for this. The apostle Paul explained the powerful role of the Creator in maintaining sexual order and described the sexual chaos that results when individuals shift their focus from the Lord to the creature. Mankind possesses a powerful desire for the good– that innate yearning to worship our Maker and praise the One who ordained life (See Romans 1:19-20). When that yearning is suppressed, it becomes shrouded by lesser desires. Thinking becomes futile; hearts grow dark (see vv21-22). We’re vulnerable to all kinds of idolatry when our primary desire is not worshipping the creator.”
As I read that this week; it was like a flashing yellow light; a warning of danger. “We’re vulnerable to all kinds of idolatry when our primary desire is not worshipping the creator”. In my own journey of trying to discover manhood and my own masculinity, I am particularly vulnerable to literally worship or idolize other men. Not just in a physical/sexual way as one would assume about a person struggling with same sex attraction. It is so much more than that. As I learn more about myself and my sinful heart I have begun to realize how I have come to idolize men and their personalities of being confident, charming, effective communicators, charismatic, and being sensitive yet strong. In essence in my heart I wanted and desired to “be them”! Desire gone mad.
Comiskey continues, “All of us, Christian or pagan, emerge out of a broken world that fractures our desire for worshipping the Creator and renders us susceptible to lesser appetites. None of us is exempt from the implications of Romans 1. Accordingly, Paul went on to describe homosexual practices as a potent symbol of desire gone awry. He broadened that example to include a slew of evil thoughts and practices that issue of the rebellious heart ( see vv. 23-32).
May these thoughts and the word of God challenge all of us to honestly consider what our hearts desire. Is it worshipping God our creator or are we falling prey to futile thinking and darkness by placing our desires elsewhere?
From the Word of God: Romans 1:18-32
“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, name his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, the exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves. Because they exchanged the truth about God for a like and worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever ! Amen.
For this reason, God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.
And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, boastful inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
Good Day! I am a fan of acoustic sound when it comes to worship music. It easily leads me and my heart and mind to introspection and in a place with Jesus that comforts my heart and soul. I have recently found this song on Spotify’s “Calming Christian” station.
I am the woman at the well And You’re telling me everything I’ve done The water’s deep and You have nothing You can draw with Yet You offer me everything I want You offer me everything You areAll I want is living water, take me deeper, take me All I want is living water, take me deeper I am the cripple at Bethesda Just waiting on Your wings to stir the pool I hear You say, “Pick up your bed and walk” So, today I learn that Love makes all the rules Today I learn that Love makes all things newAll I want is living water, take me deeper, take me All I want is living water, take me deeper, take me All I want is all You offer, take me deeper, take me All I want is all You are, take me deeper, take meI am the soldier on the hill I hear Your final breath, Your final cry I raise my spear to pierce my Maker And the water and the blood flows from Your side The water and the blood that bring me lifeAll I want is living water, take me deeper, take me All I want is living water, take me deeper
If you have been listening to Christian radio in the last few months you may have heard this song by Cory Asbury, “Father’s House”. It has become one of my favorites as it reminds listener’s of God’s truth that we are not defined by our failure or our sin but defined by God. Oh my that truth brings about great reason for our endless praise and motivation to share!
2 Corinthians 5:17-21: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Father’s House by Cory Asbury
LYRICS:
Sometimes on this journey I get lost in my mistakes What looks to me like weakness Is a canvas for Your strength And my story isn’t over My story’s just begun And failure won’t define me ‘Cause that’s what my Father does Yeah, failure won’t define me ‘Cause that’s what my Father does
Ooh, lay your burdens down Ooh, here in the Father’s house Check your shame at the door ‘Cause it ain’t welcome anymore Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house
Arrival’s not the end game The journey’s where you are You never wanted perfect You just wanted my heart And the story isn’t over If the story isn’t good And failure’s never final When the Father’s in the room And failure’s never final When the Father’s in the room
Ooh, lay your burdens down Ooh, here in the Father’s house Check your shame at the door ‘Cause it ain’t welcome anymore Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house
Yeah, you’re in the Father’s house Yeah, yeahProdigals come home The helpless find hope Love is on the move When the Father’s in the room Prison doors fling wide The dead come to life Love is on the move When the Father’s in the room Miracles take place The cynical find faith And love is breaking through When the Father’s in the room
The Jericho walls are quaking Strongholds now are shaking Love is breaking through When the Father’s in the room I said, love is breaking through When the Father’s in the room
Ooh, lay your burdens down Ooh, here in the Father’s house Check your shame at the door ‘Cause it ain’t welcome anymore Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house
Yeah, lay your burdens down Ooh, here in the Father’s house Check your shame at the door (Check your shame at the door) (welcome anymore) Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house
In recent weeks I have experienced a good healthy dose of deflation of pride. In retrospect I believe this Covid 19 business provided an opportunity for Satan to engage in his subtle trickery. With seemingly endless days of little contact with people it became quite easy to focus on self. Did I realize it at the time. Of course not.
So during this time my frustration was growing about not being more involved in some sort of ministry to others, in particular those that may be struggling with some form of sexual brokenness. It seemed as if I was just spinning my wheels. I decided to seek out the wisdom of my pastor and another brother in Christ at my church. Through no pointing fingers yet respectful conversation and great questions a heart of pride that was developing deflated. Discouraged, sad; yet grateful for what God was speaking to my heart through these men. I sought out wisdom and received it. I don’t know what I was expecting, but God knew exactly what I needed.
The conversation has initiated self-reflection and an increased awareness of my critical heart toward others. -Why don’t they? – They should… -This would be better – I would do this – What were they thinking? -How could they?
In my heart I am pointing my finger – a gesture that I actually detest! While these thoughts are often not vocalized they invade my thought process often, too often.
While at some level my thoughts and ideas certainly can be helpful they are not the end all be all. Without keeping them in check they were taking over and rooting themselves deeply into a critical level of pride. Digging deeper what might be at the core?
Like many I have a desire for people to see me. How about you? I know I want to be valued, appreciated, loved, noticed, be-friended, accepted, included, respected. I am trying to be more keenly aware of how these present themselves for me personally.
Conscientious of my appearance!
High desire to please others in particular my boss, pastor, ministry leaders, closest friends and individuals in whom I have great respect.
Perfectionism – in some areas – not all! Ha!
High expectations of others regarding commitments and loyalty.
Essentially in an effort to feel seen, I would strive for these things and when I or others would fail my heart would and has become critical of others and myself. Unhealthy. Sinful.
Rather my focus should be on what … for people to see God. Not me. Humbling. Even creating blog entries here, I am challenged to remember my initial focus and check my motivation. Am I wanting to people to see me and what God is doing in my life or is it simply to see God? Heart check. May His word redirect my heart, our hearts to Himfor Him! -Stan
Isaiah 43:7: “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
I Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
Romans 11:36 “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”
Good Summer day to you! It has been a super long time since posting here. I do intend on getting back to it!
If you have read some of my previous posts you may recall a few entries on the value of being part of a church family and connecting with other believers – this entry revisits that topic. I am anticipating a joyous yet cautious Sunday at my church as we open this Sunday for corporate worship in person for the first time in months. In a timely way, I read a concluding chapter in a book today about corporate worship. It stirred in me thoughts and reinforced some of my beliefs about the value of being together with brothers and sisters in Christ to worship. I know sometimes I have struggled to begin to articulate or explain in words the value I have found in corporate worship. John Starke in the book The Possibility of Prayer shared it this way: “The New Testament calls us toward something deeper than that (referring to the calling of a career or the sense of an obligation to something). We have been called to a body. If you’ve ever wondered what God wants for your life, here it is at least a partial answer: to be deeply connected and involved in the body of Christ. You won’t be satisfied until you are. That’s how callings work. If we aren’t working toward our calling, we feel out of place, always a bit off. And the reason why I say deeper calling is because it’s deeper than a feeling or intuition about a direction in our life. This isn’t a feeling, because we often do not feel like being sacrificially involved and deeply connected in the lives of others. But since it’s deeper than a feeling it provides deeper satisfaction than a feeling can. Our spiritual lives are not hindered but are enhanced by other Christians.”
As I read this, some additional thoughts clicked. In the many – I mean many counseling ministries I connected with in relation to seeking freedom and victory over the sin in my life there is a resounding commonality – the importance of connecting with a local church in corporate worship. There is a reason. As quoted above: “Our spiritual lives are not hindered but are enhanced by other Christians.”
Earlier during this COVID time I read another thought provoking devotional on corporate worship from the May 15th entry of Paul Tripp’s devotional book New Morning Mercies. In his writing he challenges us to realize how forgetful we are of all kinds of truth; we forget who God is, we forget who we are, we forget that we live in a broken world, we forget the power of God, we forget the power of God’s word, we forget our need for the body of other believers, we forget that we have an enemy, we forget that we are created for His glory. Get it? We forget! How can we remember? – being together with other Christian believers! “Corporate worship is designed to remind you again and again where life can be found so that you can quit searching horizontally for what you have already been given in Jesus.” I don’t know about you but I certainly can relate to the ‘forgetting’ and needing reminders of Jesus and the truth of the word of Christ. Being part of a Body of Christ in corporate worship helps me remember! As I consider how I interact with the Body of Christ, I am challenged to consider how corporate worship is not just on Sunday morning. Corporate worship happens when I gather with a small group for a Bible study. Corporate worship is when I gather with a group of guys at the local coffee shop to read his word and pray for one another. Corporate worship happens when I meet 1:1 with others for prayer, encouragement and accountability.
Rescued Identity 