2020 Anticipation !

1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.” A dear brother in Christ shared this simple verse with me while I was in a season of great unrest and anxiety – even to the point I was being ensnared with some obsessive compulsive behaviors I had never experienced before. The anxiety was out of control and caused even greater fear as I recognized my anxious thoughts were beginning to control my behaviors in some extreme ways. This simple verse directed me to the sovereignty and the love of God for me and you. While it was a verse I could easily remember and hold in my heart, I also had it on a taped note on my laptop. The visual reminder was particularly valuable when my heart and mind began to get overtaken with anxiety to near panic. The word of God steering me back to truth to rest in Him.

This testimony of God’s faithfulness is a reminder as we anticipate 2020 . . .

1) May we not be anxious and rest on the truth that He cares for us and calls us to surrender our anxious thoughts to Him.

2) Hold onto His word for reminders of His truth. Perhaps setting a goal to memorize scripture relating to areas that you may be struggling with. Have notes of the verse in your car, on your mirror, or on your computer. 🙂

3) Be in relationship with others. Perhaps the Lord will have your paths cross with someone that needs to hear & experience the love of the Lord through you. Perhaps someone else will be able to direct you to Him during a time of need.

I also share with you here a song in which the lyrics speak reminders of God’s sovereignty – He Holds it All! Happy New Year! ~Stan

Truth: Thought Choice

Thought choice?! A few years ago I connected with a ministry called Free Indeed based on a referral from Restored Hope Network. I enrolled in The Freedom Fighter program which is a 20 week coaching program for those seeking freedom from sexual sin. As part of the program I read through the book At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry along with its accompanying workbook. A very good read! In addition to those materials I worked with a coach who pointed me toward God and truth regarding my sexual sins. A very significant truth was presented by a tool called the 3 Second Rule. This tool challenged me to recognize that my thoughts are a choice, a choice of mine. The thoughts I have toward sexual sin are a choice of mine. Gut punch. Truth! The thoughts I have, you have toward any sin are a choice. What do we do with them? How do we make better choices with our thoughts? This battle is real and significant.

2 Corinthians 10:
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 

Check out and read about the 3 Second Rule here. This link takes you to a blog posting by the Director of Free Indeed, Ted Robinson. May it be helpful to you as you consider how to take your thoughts captive. It has been a significant help on my journey toward truth.

PS. One a side note I recently completed the coaches training to be part of the coaching team of Free Indeed Ministries. If you are embattled with sexual sin and desire to find and discover freedom check out the programs offered. Programs are available for those struggling; men and women both. In addition there are programs for wives and those struggling with their marriage. Men & women with a heart’s desire to point others toward God and the resulting freedom and reconciliation are there to walk with you! Perhaps this is the next step you could take with personal goals your are considering for 2020.

As you may notice the ministry is based out of Maine but is available to reach you…even in Iowa like me. We are all just a phone call, Google Hangout, FaceTime or Zoom session away. 🙂 Check it out: Free Indeed Ministries.

~Stan

Truth: Deceitful Heart

Perhaps I have shared some thoughts on this before; nonetheless its worth repeating. It’s worth repeating as I need to remind myself of this truth:

Jeremiah 17:
9 The heart is deceitful above all things
    and beyond cure.
    Who can understand it?

Sometimes I find myself embattled with desires and struggle to understand why I am seemingly naturally inclined to long for things that God forbids. Why would God not want me to be happy or to experience joy, love, acceptance and a close, connected relationship? I believe this is a question many that experience same sex attraction often wrestle with. The inclination seems so engrained into the soul it is quite a challenge to think otherwise. I feel this, yet God says this!?

Embattled; wrestling, wondering, struggling, fighting. Conflicted.

Stop. Consider: ” My heart is deceitful….” Ugh. I am a sinner. I am a sinner since birth. I am inclined to things, thoughts and desires that God forbids since the beginning when Adam and Eve were deceived. While my desires to experience joy, love and acceptance are good & healthy, my heart deceives me in how to best fulfill those desires. The ways my deceitful heart wants me to travel leads to emptiness and void! I know this. I have even traveled down the path before and yet my heart tells my mind that I would find fulfillment. My heart is VERY deceitful. I need a new heart.

Psalm 51:
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Truly, this has to be one of my favorite verses. I seem to go back to it often. Entrenched in my battle and wrestling match of thoughts and desires, I am prompted to be thankful for the battle. The Holy Spirit is speaking and trying to break through to my heart with the truth. If the Holy Spirit was absent I wouldn’t be in a battle; I would have been completely deceived and fallen to the lies and traveled down the wrong path. These verses in Psalm 51 is the song of David’s heart after being confronted about his heart that went down the wrong path in sexual sin with Bathsheba. He cries out in recognition of the deceitfulness of his heart and desires a new heart and spirit that is steadfast. Likewise, my soul cries out for a new heart, too. A spirit that is steadfast; resolute, unwavering, singleminded, and in truth. (Check out some of the other synonyms for steadfast!) . And for certain, may the Holy Spirit continue to direct me to that truth.

For the Lord God wants good things for me. His ways are good!

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Praying like David; Lord create in me a new heart; continue to rescue me from the deceptions of my own sinful heart and lead me in truth. The truth that leads me to truly experience joy, love and acceptance that is fulfilled by you and your plan. Praying the same for my fellow brothers and sisters on the journey.

~Stan

Light is the Answer

Merry Christmas Eve! Just read a devotion by Paul David Tripp — is a great reminder this day: “…the world was desperate for light. Everyone was part of the problem, and everyone suffered from the problem, but no one could solve the problem. God’s solution was the only way. He sent the one who is light to be the light that would light the world by grace. He came into the darkness so that we could know the light and life forever. Here is the Christmas story — only light can defeat the darkness. Light has come!”

This takes me to one of my favorite scriptures: Romans 7: 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

The Heart of Man – Movie

Have you seen it? I am a fan of this movie! This movie is full of symbolism and dramatic interpretation of the battle of sin, relationship with the Father and community. The depictions vividly demonstrate man’s battle with temptation, sin, and shame. There are several scenes that got my attention. There is a scene in which a man is attracted and allured by a seemingly beautiful woman; the temptation draws him in. Yet then suddenly when given into the temptation what seemingly was beautiful is far from it. I could say more but don’t want to soften the potential impact of the scene. Likewise there is a dramatic scene when the man is embattled with his grief, shame and guilt. The depiction is real and amazingly expresses the torment that sin can have on a man’s heart. The love of the Father toward the sinner is graciously depicted as well throughout the movie. Interjected throughout this movie are personal testimonies that tell stories of brokenness and redemption! Check out the Heart of Man website for more information. If you have a RightNow media account you can view the movie there as well as view some round table discussions. There is a participant guide available on the Heart of Man website, which I would recommend. Check out the preview below. If you watch the movie, I would welcome your feedback below! ~God Bless, Stan

Heart of Man – Trailer
The Heart of Man – Featurette

Truth: Being Grateful

Well, this is a delayed post. I did start writing it ion Thanksgiving and then got distracted by the day’s events. Being Grateful need not be a Thanksgiving only focus as was the point of my thoughts that day….

I would tend to shy away from talking about being grateful on Thanksgiving since it is pretty much expected. I hesitate because I don’t want my thoughts on gratefulness to be considered trite. Nonetheless I am going to share some thoughts, and hope you take some time to read and consider it.

Part of my personal growth and heart change has involved being more grateful. Regularly when I have spent time journaling I have taken time to reflect on being thankful for what has transpired on a given day(s). Sometimes it comes quickly, other times it takes more thought. My heart is changing.

Often at the root of my sin and struggle is selfishness and pity. What helps escape that downward spiral but taking time, pausing to be thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

 Psalm 105:1 Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!

1 Thessalonians 5 Biblically presents this challenge before us to be thankful in all circumstances. When in the depths of emptiness and despair it is hard to have that thankful heart, yet God calls us to it. Calls us to truth, that in all things and in all situations there is much to be thankful for. Primarily I think of His faithfulness. He will never leave us nor forsake us. Holding unto that truth may our hearts be softened to think clearly. To think clearly toward Him and the gifts he gives.

The morning sun, air to breath, good food to eat, warmth of a home. Consider the gifts He gives daily. In Psalm 105 it takes it even further that we recognize that those gifts come from Him and to make it known. Share you blessings, share your gratitude share your story.

Making a habit of practicing gratefulness will change your heart!

Truth: Love of Jesus

I say it often; I love my church. Seriously, the Holy Spirit was speaking strongly and repeatedly to the voids of my heart today, just where I needed it. The LOVE of Jesus was experienced in my heart today. Tears flowed easily. Never ever underestimate the of importance of putting yourself in places where the presence of Jesus lives and moves. The lyric of a song, the words of God read from the Bible or recited from a child of God, to the smile or physical gesture of a brother or sister in Christ – it is the presence of Jesus and it is very real. No one will be able to convince me differently. Once today’s message from my church is posted, expect to see it shared here. In the meantime I share with you some of the snippets of Jesus presence and love that resonated in my heart this morning.

  1. As the advent candle was being lit: The anticipation of Jesus – “Hope for the longing people.” My heart was and is longing – Jesus is my hope and can be your hope.
  2. Song: Emmanuel (Hallowed Manger Ground)
  3. “Jesus loves you like crazy”
  4. Beloved means “you are my loved one”. We – you and I are “objects of divine affection” . I John 4: 7.
  5. The wrath of God has been satisfied; God is waiting on the porch for you to come home. He’s running to see you and embrace you.
  6. Sing to the Love of of God.
  7. We have a Good, Good Father!
  8. My heart was breaking this morning recognizing that he LOVES me so much yet I sin, I sin horribly. YET, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” Lamentations 3: 22-23
  9. “May Jesus be our greatest Joy”
  10. “Let the love of Christ be your motivating force.” Although I get ensnared by my sin and the choices I have made, His love remains and because of it I get back up and keep on fighting!

“Measure of a Man”

This past Sunday my pastor was talking about the standard measure (The Word of God) when discerning spirits. Is it the spirit of God or is it the spirit of man? It reminded me of an older song by 4Him – “Measure of a Man”. I remember times when I found myself struggling with my identity and masculinity that I would listen to this song to help re-program my thinking toward the spirit of God and Biblical truth. Truths that rescued me from lies.

Interesting as I just listened and watched this I was intrigued and questioned some of the lyrics in particular; “Cause I’ve found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands, For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what’s in the heart defines, The measure of a man”.

As I consider those words there is conviction. In honesty, in my heart there is sin; jealousy, envy, lust, selfishness, a critical spirit, impatience, and a whole lot more. I don’t measure up to good considering that. I consider what the Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9-10: The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

While I am encouraged by the words of this song that the real measure of a man in not by what the world may use a standard, I am challenged by how my heart would measure up. I consider more of His word and pray…

Psalm 139:
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!
Psalm 51:
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Truth: House Cleaning?!

Kind of a baffling title for a blog entry? I hope it got your attention and curiosity piqued. Stick with me. I will get to it. I attend a monthly men’s breakfast at my church. I might add, early breakfast as it is at 6 a.m. Im not a fan of early mornings but I am a fan of getting together with a group of guys seeking the Lord and striving to be men of God together. A little back story on the significance of being with a group of Godly men — One key aspect of my struggle with same-sex attraction was a lack of male friends. That continued pattern ultimately created a literal fear of being around guys. Examples of how this played out include social settings where I would rather hang out with the women than the men, I felt welcomed and comfortable. If I was with the men, I would break out in sweat and be in an internal panic. What do I talk about?, I don’t watch sports -so I can’t contribute or fake like I know what they are talking about. In instances like that I would sit and be quiet in my anxiety. Over the years I would avoid being in those type of situations. Why would I chose to be in a place of fear and anxiety?! Well, as I grew older and realized that I really needed to engage in conversation with other men if I was ever going to discover more about masculinity. What better place to do that than with brothers in Christ! Taking those steps to connect with individuals, and participating in small groups has helped me grow so much in discovering Godly masculinity. I am so thankful that I finally began to face those fears. Don’t get me wrong, the anxiety of being around a bunch of men does arise yet at times. Ask some of my friends – I can easily be quiet! I am learning to engage more just as the theme of this blog demonstrates, engaging to share my story, to share His story and to be brother in Christ to others in being part of their stories.

So back to house cleaning. At the start of this men’s group the theme of Godly masculinity was approached from the book Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis. In this book geared towards men raising their boys there are 4 key components of manhood: Reject Passivity, Expect Greater Reward, Accept Responsibility and Lead Courageously. Those key components come to my mind often. There are all kinds of connections with accepting responsibility in relating to Godly manhood. Easily I believe we go to accepting responsibility for our choices and actions.

In a strange way I have realized that accepting responsibility leads to — house cleaning. At different times when I had found myself struggling with same sex attraction that led to addictive patterns of pornography use, I was letting go of my responsibilities. One of those was house cleaning! Here is the charge of that message of accepting responsibility; If I desire to live out Godly manhood and masculinity, I need to take care of my home. That means house cleaning! What I have discovered in being more responsible in house cleaning or any other task that I should be completing is this: I am much more productive with the time God gives me and I am not wasting it away in laziness which often is a doorway to my sinful behaviors. Being responsible provides a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Being responsible is demonstrating gratefulness to God of what He has and will provide. Being responsible is being a Man of God.

God’s truth is for men to be responsible and for this man that means house cleaning. 🙂 Trust me my house still get’s messy from time to time but I truly have come to understand that accepting responsibility and getting things done has been a valuable part of my story in discovery what being a Godly man is all about. ~Stan

Truth: Greater is He!

I spent some time this morning journaling; very long overdue. God was there with me reading and knowing my heart as the words began to fall on the page. As I was thinking He was helping me realize the condition of my heart. Some of the phrases that I penned this morning: “Bottom line I am a great sinner and I need a great God to save me from my sin – It is my sin, in truth I cannot explain it away or justify it. I may want to attempt to but in truth, I cannot. Sin is sin. A choice I make. “ I was reflecting on my own sin and how at times it abounds seemingly uncontrollable. As I was thinking through the out-of-control envy and jealousy that was waging havoc in my heart, I remembered that a way out was to reflect on the many things I should be grateful to God for providing to me. As I began to steer my heart in that direction I began listing items of gratefulness I had and then wrote these words “the Power of Christ through the Power of the Holy Spirit to overcome”. While the significant power of the sin in my life was super fresh and real in my mind I was failing to recognize the GREATER power of Christ in me. God’s power is far greater and can be evident when I submit, seek and respond to it. It does have the power to overcome. It has and It will. My heart and mind was then further prompted by His Spirit with a truth that was hidden in my heart from the scriptures. He knew I needed to be reminded of it again this day. 🙂

1 John 4:4: “Little children, you are from God and have overcome them (false spirits of the world) , for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world”. As I was looking that verse up online I also came across a song that was so fitting. I have heard it before but today it was an added encouragement of this truth put to music. ——->

So, I was listening to this song as I prepared to go to church and these words came to mind to include in my thoughts to share here and to not forget myself!: God speaks in brokenness. Stop & Listen. Moments later a brother in Christ shared this song below with me. Another good one! May you be encouraged by all these truths of God. ~Stan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANiveIKVX0