Truth: You are not Alone

If you are anything like me when you find yourself struggling, embattled by sin or temptation you feel alone. Your heart and soul feel empty. Will anyone understand? Will anybody notice and care enough to ask how you are?

These were the questions I often asked as I was struggling with same sex attractions. My heart and soul felt empty. For years I was too scared to even begin to share with someone. But as I did, things began to change. Change for the good. I realized I was not alone. Although the people with whom I shared my story with did not share the same specific struggle as did I, I could still find wisdom from their story and battles with sin. Yet to be honest there was still a level of frustration as I felt they truly could not understand even though their intentions to do so were genuine.

In time, as my courage and desperation for help grew I found books to read and ultimately ministries offering help. Ministries for those that struggle with all sorts of sexual brokenness including homosexuality, and pornography addiction. If this is an area of struggle for you I strongly recommend you check out Restored Hope Network (RHN). On their page you will find many ministries across the country. On many of those pages you will find the stories of others on their journey of freedom with Christ. These testimonies along with mine are to let you know you are not alone and there is hope for you! Feel free to contact me as well by clicking on the Contact page. I would be glad to hear your story!

I encourage you to seek out others with whom you trust to share you story and to support you in prayer and walk beside you on your journey – whatever your struggle may be. I have a number of brothers in Christ that do this for me. My friendship with them has been a very significant piece of my freedom story. Words cannot begin to express what these men have taught me about Godly masculinity through their words & actions and pointing me toward Jesus and truth.

James 5: 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Hebrews 10: 24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

You are not alone and are called to be on this journey with others.

Truth: Forgiveness

When I find myself struggling with same sex attraction and the sin it creates, I can easily get stuck in guilt and shame. In Romans 7:24, Paul uses the word “wretched” to describe himself as the result of the sin in his life. I can relate to that word as I believe it accurately describes how I feel when I really take a serious look at the sin of my heart; especially in relation to same sex attraction. I was thinking that? My mind was burning with lust for that person? Brutal, honest, truth. They are examples of that “truth that hurts” which I wrote about earlier this week. When that realization and conviction hits it can lead to that pit of guilt and shame. I lived in that pit for years. However as my faith journey continued, God was repeatedly reminding me of the truth of forgiveness. While I was living in self-condemnation and hate, God was imploring me and continues to implore me to remember the Truth. As Romans 7 continues the question is posed by Paul- who will rescue me from this? “thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord”. By the prompting of the Holy Spirt, His truth is in me and reminds me that as part of being in Christ, He calls me to be honest with myself and with Him. 1 John 1: 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

In addition, Paul follows up his remarks from Romans 7 to the start of Romans 8 with a reinforcement of this truth: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. This is a truth that I have to remind myself often. There is power in this Truth and it works to transform my mind and heart. I can and you can get out of the pit of guilt & shame to truly live!

What an encouragement this truth is. We are not condemned! I go about my days striving to be more like Christ, to be a man of integrity and purity more and more; yet fail. Sometimes I fail miserably and feel hypocritical. His forgiveness rescues me from that pit of guilt and shame. He can rescue you too!

Rescued by Him, ~Stan

The Truth Rescues

So earlier this week I shared a nugget about how the truth hurts. But there is more to that story if we are willing to include it in our story for growth and change. Being confronted by truth from the Holy Spirit, or others speaking into our lives can be for the good; life changing. As I shared in my testimony I had two dear friends of mine confront me about how I was engaging in sin regarding my addiction to gay pornography, masturbation and fantasy life. It was true. I didn’t like that it was true, but nonetheless it was true. I am thankful to God for softening my heart to really hear the truth and accept it that day. Just a few days earlier I was argumentative with them in an attempt to explain away my addiction that It was out of my control. (Lie). Confronted and convicted by truth. Now what? Truth checks. Do you and I have control over our actions and thoughts? Yes. Over the years I have come to realize more and more the lies I have believed about myself. Those lies can come from others, Satan, or even myself and my emotions.

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

This verse has been critical for me in remembering the importance of truth checks. Isn’t it interesting that the very first direction for our thoughts is at truth?! Truth checks take some time for self-reflection. Since same-sex attraction is heavily impacted by thoughts of identity and worth that is often where I have to ask some questions. Some questions I have had to ask myself include; is my masculinity determined by my ability to fix a car, lift so many pounds, look like that, or whatever else it may be? Sometimes I can recognize the truth quickly and am rescued right away from the destruction of lies. Sometimes I struggle to believe the truth and and go back and forth in my mind about truth and lies; rescuing can be a process. My prayer is this, as your story is being written day by day – what is guiding your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Is it true?

As I close I anticipate the next blog entry focusing on key Biblical truths that have been helpful to me in my story; being rescued from the lies of identity and same sex attraction. ~Stan

It is Finished

This post tonight is a little more impromptu following some thoughts I had earlier today It may be a little more rambly or not fully developed. Hmmm, looks rambly is not even a legit word. I like it more than rambling. :O . On with it…

I was texting a friend earlier today and so my post really flows out of that conversation. God is good – my heart and mind was prompted on the drive to work this morning to remember that my sins are are forgiven. All my sins. My mind continued on – even the sins I don’t even know that I will commit yet today, tomorrow or next year! Pretty astounding thought actually. God knows all my sins, the complete sum of them and still chose to love me and sacrifice, his son Jesus to save me. It truly is ‘finished’. (John 19:30: When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.) . At that moment Jesus died on the cross for me to save me from the penalty of all my sins. The price has been paid.

So when I find myself in guilt and shame for sin – I am empowered to not to live in that. Rather to get up and keep walking in freedom. That freedom from the penalty of sin is still there. It is finished.

Likewise it is the same for my brothers and sisters in Christ! It made me think of Romans 6. See below. Also comments are welcomed as I continue to ponder. God Bless, Stan.

Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ

6 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin— 7 because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 

Source: biblegatway.com

The Truth Hurts

Sometimes as the pages and chapter of our stories are being written we are confronted with a question or thought that pierces our mind and heart, a punch in the stomach. Initially we don’t like it. It’s reality & truth and it hurts.

— Confronted about a lie.
— Confronted about a behavior.
— Confronted about something hidden.
— Confronted about a failure.

It hurts, most likely it is because it is something about us that we didn’t want anyone to know or to see. Truth can put us in pretty vulnerable places, our brokenness revealed. In a conversation just today a friend remarked on the only way a hurt or brokenness can be healed or treated is to discover it. It makes me think of how I have come to realize that conviction is a gift; a gift from God. Although it initially hurts and is painful there is an opportunity for God to enter in and heal. Stay tuned for the next entry. The Truth Rescues. ~Stan

I want to go to Church….

It’s been a few days since I have posted. Since I just got started I want to be sure I was posting pretty regularly and need to get in the routine of sharing. A very significant part of my story is Church. When I moved back to north Iowa over 10 years ago one of the things I was most excited about was finding a new church home. Interestingly enough, it was actually one of the hardest things. Thankfully after a number of years looking and visiting a number of different churches off and on it was suggested I check out First Baptist Church in Forest City. I remember it was missionary update Sunday. The music was fantastic, and the message – I was intrigued as the pastors interviewed the missionaries. It was as if I was sitting in a living room. On the stage was a couch and two comfy chairs. Not only did the setting portray a living room, I sensed that First Baptist was a family environment. First Baptist was also about to start a Bible reading plan; cover to cover in 90 days. Wow! But I was intrigued and admired that the church leadership had already done so. I was in! Although I was not successful in the 90 day completion, I was excited to begin to meet new people and consider how I would / could be a greater part of First B. As I wanted to connect with more people and this church family, I was drawn with a desire to move to Forest City. I wanted to live in the same community as my brothers/sisters in Christ. It happened! So thankful for God’s goodness in that move! Over the last several years I have grown to meet new people and build some great relationships. Relationships that have encouraged and challenged me. Relationships that walked with me in my struggle with sin; rather than shame or condemnation. Those relationships also kept me accountable to move toward Christ and a freedom from sin, sexual sin. I am so grateful for First Baptist Church and its steadfastness in standing for Biblical truth and loving people toward that truth. That is was I was looking for in a church. I found it at First B! I am also grateful for how the church leadership does not shy away from talking about the brokenness of people from the pulpit, whether it about sex, drugs, pornography, money, lying, cheating, idolatry – it is talked about and better yet the hope we have in Christ to be rescued from those sins.

First Baptist Church, Forest City: WE ARE a people with story being transformed by the gospel, finding our greatest joy in Jesus and helping others do the same. 

Truly I see this mission being lived out by the people at First B. I hope you are able to find yourself in a church family like this. Recently this summer I was at a Restored Hope Conference in Minneapolis on a Friday and Saturday. I had reserved my room for Saturday night anticipating I might attend an event on Sunday afternoon in Minneapolis. As the conference was drawing to a close Saturday, I was being challenged and excited about my journey with Christ. Where did I want to be Sunday morning? At my home church with my family! So I stayed in Minneapolis that evening and but got myself up super early (I am not a fan of early mornings) and drove 2 hours to be in Forest City that morning, to be with my church family. I love them, they love me and they love Jesus.

The song posted below is one of my favorites – words that express how I feel about being in a relationship with Jesus and others at church!

Ugliness of Stereotypes

I have heard from many people over the last several days after posting about my blog on Facebook. I appreciate all the kind words, prayers, encouragement and thoughts. It has also brought back some of the less desirable memories of the journey. One of those things is stereotypes. In all honesty the “gay” stereotypes get me a little worked up, sometimes just plan mad. My questions & thoughts…

Pitch and Tone of Voice – what if your voice is higher pitched and not a ‘deep’ bass voice like other men? Does that make a person less of a man? Physique – what if your body is not overly muscular or defined by biceps, broad shoulders and a six pack of abs? so what if you are not athletically inclined? Does that make a person less of a man? Creative sense – what if your skills and talents may be design, singing, dance, art, cooking or another creative means? Does that make a person less of a man? Gestures – what if a guy displays some mannerisms or gestures that may typically be displayed by a woman? Does that make a person less of a man? Emotional/Sensitive – what if a guy is emotional and sensitive towards others and how others treat them? Does this make a person less of a man?

Unfortunately the culture has targeted these traits as being less than “manly”. I do understand how this occurs and honestly find myself drawn into thoughts and assumptions based on these stereotypes placed on man being “gay”. Although it makes me frustrated when they are applied to me, I admit I fall into the trap of applying them as well. As I am learning about my own true identity and the traits of Godly masculinity, I have come to realize that the opinions of others regarding my own tone of voice, physique, creative sense, gestures, and emotional sensitivity does not determine my manhood. Let us be careful of stereotypes! Then there is the truth here I need to remember, we all need to remember:

Psalm 139: 113 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

I sorta feel like this entry isn’t complete. I may have more….Stay tuned my friends. PS. If you want to follow me regularly click the follow button on the bottom of main blog page to sign up for e-mail notifications. ~Stan

Transformed By Freedom

Sharing here a devotional I wrote for my church’s lenten devotional. ~Stan

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.   1 Corinthians 10:13
While I always liked this verse as the hope it provides, it wasn’t until the last couple of years that the message of this truly came alive to me in person.
There is great power in each person’s story and testimony of Christ working in their lives.  As I became more comfortable to to share my own story of weakness and sin, I learned of countless others that have similar stories dealing with temptation and sexual brokenness.  I was not the only one struggling. I am not alone. This can be a great encouragement. Share your story – just as our church mission states: “We are a broken people being transformed by the Gospel, called to enjoy Jesus and to help others do the same.”
Meanwhile, I had also often felt like I had no control over the addictive behaviors in my life.  I struggled to believe in the freedom that has been offered in Christ. Through the testimonies of others I was reminded of the freedom that I do have in Christ.  The truth is I have a choice, we have a choice; every time we are tempted to think, say or do anything in a matter of seconds we do have the freedom to choose. Those initial choices can determine if I (we) choose to live in freedom or sin.  When those choices present themselves – God promises a way out. Ask him and cry out for help and power to see that way out; perhaps it’s reflecting on lies we may believe and replacing them with truth, changing our physical location, changing what we watch or read, asking for others to pray, texting or contacting a brother or sister in Christ, or singing/listening to a praise song. Seek His promise.
Prayer:  Father, help us to remember that freedom that we do have because of you. May we quickly seek you when tempted and ask for power and sight to see the way out and to walk in that freedom you have promised.  May we also have the courage and vulnerability to share with others these stories to have others walk this journey with us and may it be an encouragement to others towards transformation and freedom. May it be a testament of the hope we have in the Gospel truth; may our story be your story.

Share YOUR Story

I am learning today that I need to start writing down my blog ideas when they come to mind! I am hoping I can recapture my thoughts that I had last night for you.

Share YOUR story.

With deep conviction I am confident your life story can powerfully impact others; family, friends, co-workers, and even complete strangers. Sometimes I think we can get fearful and remain quiet about spreading the hope we have in the Gospel of Christ. I know I do! Have you ever considered how you can by simply sharing your story? your testimony? You are the sole expert in sharing that story next to Jesus. 🙂 Please don’t be dismissive in thinking that your story may not be ‘big enough’ or ‘dramatic enough’. Every story is made up of all the seemingly little God moments of your every day life. Each truly does have significance, more than we realize I am certain. Not only for us but for others too. Share the answers to your prayers, the song that speaks to your heart, the scripture or other reading that speaks to you, or the circumstances that God orchestrates together for you. Share also the parts of your story that are difficult; the fears, worry, doubt and hurts. May we be humble and authentic in sharing how the Gospel message of salvation and hope play out in our lives – He will use it to reach others and reach you as well! I think of the books of Psalms; one of my favorites. The chronicles of David’s heart and life in Christ the good and bad. Consider the impact of his story. Consider the impact of just one of his stories of his relationship with Jesus! The thoughts I close with – share your story, whether a snapshot moment in a day or a whole chapter. ~Stan

Why Share My Story?

Over several months, perhaps years, I have prayed about being able to find an avenue to have a voice, a voice for the truth of God’s word relating to sexuality and a person’s identity. I felt like I had much to share but just wasn’t sure how. If you scanned my journal entries over the last couple of years you would see those thoughts. I wanted to share with others the hope that they can have in Christ by sharing about the hope and freedom that I was beginning to experience.

Over two years ago, I specifically remember a time when I was convicted more deeply about my sin struggle with same sex attraction and found myself seeking Jesus more and more. While I was experiencing victories over sexual sin I remember reading Psalm 51:

While I was super familiar with the first part I was struck by the last sentence. “Then I will teach transgressors you ways, so that sinners will turn back to you”.

There it was…a renewed challenge and desire and wonder. What voice do I have for the Hope of Christ? How can I be a messenger for Christ for those that are struggling with sexual sin?

Jump ahead to February 2019. I attended a Biblical Counseling Conference with a team of people from my church. The very first session laid a very strong urgency about spreading the hope of Christ by one phrase – “eternity is at stake”. In a time where the world is in chaos regarding sexuality and identity the reality of the urgency weighed on my heart and does today. An evening or two later I found myself without hesitation sharing my story with the group from my church. I shared how the words “eternity is at stake” ignited a passion that stirred in my heart to be a messenger of the hope of Christ to be rescued and transformed!

Since that conference I have been given strength and courage to slowly share with others; individual friends, a small group of men from church, the entire church family at the Good Friday Service, co-workers, and to more members of my family. I have also had the opportunity to be a part of other people’s stories and come along and support and encourage them in their own journey toward purity and freedom.

It is my prayer that this blog may be just another outlet proclaiming the hope of Jesus Christ for the sexually broken.

I am grateful for God and His prompting me to share my story, which is ultimately His story rescuing me from an identity based on lies rather than truth and transforming my heart. Now we are on a journey together.

This is Our Story. Jesus and me together.